Therapy is Hard Work!

Therapy is hard work. Better therapy is hard work all week long.

People come to therapy with all kinds of different expectations. A common one that I see is pervasive throughout American culture--the expectation of instant gratification. We come to therapy expecting that if I just come to therapy once or twice, I will feel a certain way and then I'll start to feel better throughout the week. It'll be easy.

Significant change in the therapeutic process occurs when you take ownership for your growth. Therapists have a little secret. We don't work harder than our clients do. (This helps preserve our sanity as we have careers in the empathy business.) If you're looking to your therapist to ensure you are growing throughout the week, you will be disappointed. Real change occurs in your actual life--the rest of the hours throughout the week you are not in therapy.

Try establishing one takeaway from each session that you think on throughout the week and work to apply it. Make it practical. Write it down or put a reminder on your phone for a certain time each day, perhaps 5 minutes before bed, to apply it. This application might look like a 5 minute timer for meditation on your takeaway or it might look more like an action oriented habit, like writing 3 things you are grateful for, or stretching and breathing to reset your nervous system. If you're having trouble with the application part on your own, ask your therapist to help you focus on an intention coming from the session and you can find that application together.

I believe a lot of change in therapy creeps along slowly when it doesn't need to be. We forget most of the things that are actually said. We lose those intentions we realize in the session. The follow through is where the magic happens. The follow through is where your actual life is--and where change happens. Just one intention at a time. Focus on it. Dive into it. Lock it in. And then come to session next week.

Written by Mary Beth Stevens, LPCC, BCN